It’s your wedding day. As you prance down the aisle, your thoughts in overdrive, you see your future mate ahead, pearly whites glistening, as the sun’s rays pierce the stained glass windows above. After your vows are said, your hubby grins wryly, and then morphs into a bloodthirsty demon and declares that you’re to be his next meal. Bummer. I guess fairy tales don’t always have happy endings . That’s exactly what happened to poor, sweet Mallory, played by Olivia Bonamy. Our crimson-coiffed bridezilla cleaves her husband in two, with an enormous shimmering axe, as guts and gore splash her virginal white gown a deep red.
Time quickly passes, and Mallory becomes the head of an anti-paranormal commando unit entrusted with eliminating every evil creature prowling post-apocalyptic France. Now a heartless mercenary, she joins forces with the best France has to offer. Vena Cava, tranny-diva and explosive expert extrordinaire, watch in awe as she vogues her own special dance of death and blows the hellspawn to bits with her machine gun platform heels! Talking Tina, a 9 year old mute telepath that can project her spirit into the body of any living creature, this comes in quite handy, I assure you. And last, but certainly not least, an armed governmental agent named Durand. They are dispatched to protect a convent from an assault by a pack of undead creatures, when they are attacked by an unknown assailant. The battle leaves Durand dead, Vena Cava injured, and Tina in a coma.
With her team in shambles, Mallory learns that the newly enthroned Pope has been kidnapped. The Vatican disapproves of Mallory’s methods, but she’s all they’ve got to save His Holiness. Invoking the spirit of her dead husband, (who was condemned to haunt limbo and provide his informational services to her, acting as sort of an afterlife iPhone) Mallory learns about the evil cult of Abbadon, fallen angel of extermination, bent on world destruction. Now teamed with new recruit, Father Carras, sexy leather-clad Vatican bodyguard, they plan their mission, bickering the entire time. Oh Father, you’ll never look at a priest’s vestments the same way again!
Mallory viciously hunts down the cult in a maze of catacombs beneath a subterranean castle. They’ve got some fierce opponents left though, the faceless succubus Morphine, and the bloodthirsty Lady Valentine, who survived being beheaded during the French Revolution. Will Mallory and her team stop the forces of evil from awakening Lord Abbadon in time for Vena to get her nails and hair did? Will we get a glimpse of Father Carass in the buff? All these questions will be answered as you bite down on this gore-filled celluloid pastry.
Directed by Julien Magnat, it’s basically ‘Buffy, The Vampire Slayer’, on acid, with a dose of ‘Resident Evil’ thrown for good measure. Magnat has admitted to being highly influenced by the visual style and hyper-reality of Japanese anime, with score done by the infamous Kenji Kawai. It’s very evident in the kinetic cinematography present onscreen, and a true joy to watch. Many of the actions scenes are done with the frenzy of the early 90s Hong Kong action flicks, high flying wire works and all. Interesting to note, Mallory’s bright red hair and revealing uniform, is highly reminiscent of the main character in the film ‘Run Lola Run’. Odd.
This French/Spanish co-production from 2002, is now available on Region 1 DVD from Lion’s Gate with a plethora of goodies, including an insightful ‘Making of’ featurette, still gallery, and hilarious blooper reel.
