the collosal copycat catfight, well sorta…

Hey folks, just a short rant on design, before i get to the drama at hand. I usually don’t discuss this aspect here, but I should. I’ve been a graphic designer for many years now, and obviously look at every detail of a home DVD release, and the marketing materials as well. So, it’s hard for me to understand why stuff like this continuously happens:

I’m about 99.9% sure that this spicy telenovela starring Kate De Castillo, was well in the works and to the print shop before CBS had any fresh ideas for their drab legal action drama. I first noticed the similarities while taking the Q67 bus to work one morning. At the bus stop, the large poster advertising Julianna Margulies in a slightly provocative pose gave me the where-have-i-seen-that-before head scratch. The Good Wife has established excellent ratings despite it’s cliche-ridden premise since it’s first season in 2009. As the bus pulled up, emblazoned on the side panel was the admat for La Reina del Sur, and it literally smacked me on the noggin. Could it be that there was some creative thievery at work here? It’s Good Wife vs. Bad Girl in this cross-cultural slugfest.

What’s funny is how similar the images and layout are, despite the fact that they are polar opposites in character and plot device. La Reina del Sur (The Queen of the South) produced by Telemundo, is based on a novel of the same name by Spanish author Arturo Perez-Reverte. The drama depicts the rise of Teresa Mendoza, a young woman from Mexico, who becomes the most powerful drug trafficker in southern Spain. With a $10 million budget, La Reina del Sur was the most expensive telenovela they’d ever produced, and garnered the network’s highest rated premiere for a soap to date. Chock full of bullet ballet gunfights, seedy cockfights, enough catfights to satiate even the most jaded femme-fatale action fans, and impossibly hunky Ivan Sanchez, wow, how could you watch anything else?

Being a spicy soap, it wasn’t without some real-life controversy, something we all like, heh. Stars Kate del Castillo and Cristina Urgel publicly spoke out against media censorship when a scene featuring a kiss between their characters was edited out before broadcast on Mexican television. Due to its controversial subject matter, the program has been criticized by some for its glamorous depiction of the life of a narco-trafficker, with one Mexican government official calling the series “an apology for organized crime^“. In Spain, the dramas locale, it was edited down to a mere 13 episodes, with the original novel’s author calling it putrid garbage, as opposed to the full length 63 episode extravaganza shown in the Americas. I’m searching out the bootleg DVDs as we speak, as I have some time until Rebelde sexbomb Angelique Boyer’s Teresa comes out.

misty mundae: date.mate.mutilate.

I’ve been gorging myself on all kinds of  indie horror the past few weeks, and most recently Full Moon’s seminal Subspecies series.  Sometimes I don’t give homegrown cinema it’s rightful due, so I wanted to do a piece on some of the standout stars (well, to me, anyway) and wondered who to start with. Curvaceous, witty, and all-around sassy Erin Brown, aka Misty Mundae, came to mind. She’s wrapped me in her clutches on many occasions, with an almost Cristina-Lindberg-esque charm, which keeps you wanting more. Whether, high camp or high art, she’s got a way of (not to sound completely cheesy) ‘making love to the camera’, its almost claustrophobic, yet comforting.  I mean, with distinct classics like Lord of the G-Strings and Shock-O-Rama under your belt, how can you miss the mark?  Actress, model, filmmaker, and former softcore starlet, and now a cult icon. This gorgeous bisexual vegetarian vixen has starred in over 50 low budget indie masterpieces to date.

Brown’s early career was spent with porn film production label Factory 2000, afterwards signing an exclusive contract with E.I. Independent Cinema, under the stage name  Misty Mundae. She dove headfirst into a juicy role in the Columbine tragedy inspired Duck! The Carbine High Massacre, in early 2000, and also wrote, directed, and starred in a remake of Director Nick Phillips’ 1969 softcore classic, Lustful Addiction. She made her way to France for the US/French co-production of Vampire of Notre Dame, which was later peddled very successfully by Seduction Cinema, under the alternate title An Erotic Vampire in Paris.

In late 2003, she began ventured deeper into the horror film industry headlining features for E.I. Independent Cinema’s horror division, Shock-O-Rama Cinema. Some of her best features sprang from that union, such as Splatter Beach, Bite Me!, and Chantal. Frankly, with titles like the ones below, you have to know they’re gems of the highest order! The ‘special effects’ (more like special people effects) makeup in PlayMate of the Apes alone is worth the price of admission.

The following year, Erin released a short film titled Voodoun Blues, direct-to-dvd through Shock-O-Rama Cinema. This feature won Best Short Film on the college filmfest circuit . This B/W 16mm film features a voluptuous black magic maiden performing some malevolent voodoo rituals, seeking retribution from a reclusive ex-lover (Misty Mundae). Her magical motives are ambiguous at best, as the vindictive priestess hexes her victim in dreams, in consciousness, and ultimately in death. It’s extremely avant-garde in feel, featuring a classic retro vibe, and pseudo-expressionistic style. The use of stop-motion cinematography gives the film a surreal look, which gave me the willies. You can purchase it as a DVD-EP from amazon.com, with the following goodies included: Interview with Misty Mundae (August 2004), ‘Making Blues’ – the recording of the Voudon Blues soundtrack, ‘Sour Milk’ – a short film by Joe Miller, ‘Night of the Whorror Hoppers’ – a short film by Katie Bordeaux, Misty Mundae Trailer Reel, and a nifty limited edition Misty Mundae Collectible Postcard.

Erin decided it was time to move on, and sold the ‘Misty Mundae’ name rights to E.I. Independent Cinema, and retired from spicy films to pursue a mainstream acting career. She was recently seen starring opposite Angela Bettis, in an episode of Showtime’s ‘Masters of Horror’ series entitled Sick Girl. A bookish entomologist’s mundame life is changed by the simultaneous arrival of a large, mysterious bug and a torrid affair with a sexy young woman. But when the bizarre insect chooses a shocking place to secretly feed, Sapphic ecstasy turns to infection, mutation and murder. Will these lesbian lovers let a venomous threesome tear them apart, or is the most horrific metamorphosis of all yet to come? A must-see for trash fans, trust.

Erin was so successful in her reach that Sci-Fi Weekly magazine included Misty Mundae on their list of “Living Horror Icons” with the charming subtitle “the ones whose movies you might pay to see or rent, the ones you’d stand in line to shake hands with, or to snag an autograph from”  along with Robert Englund, Linda Blair, Elvira, and Jamie Lee Curtis. With a fully loaded DVD re-release of spandextastic Spiderbabe in the works, be sure to keep your collective peppers peeled!

 

 

seoulful boybandery

Despite my current i.v. drip of TVB kungfu soaps of the early 80s, I’ve been meaning to write a healthy post on another seemingly innocent vice of mine, Korean television drama fever, or hallyu. Miniseries in format, at most twenty episodes long, these spicy morsels are easily digested and keep you full and smiling the whole way through. Next post, I’ll cover some of the classics that should’nt be passed up, like, Full House, (nope, sorry, not the one with Greek superstud Uncle Jesse) Winter Sonata, Princess Hours, and a top fave of mine, My Girl, (yeah yeah, I know its funny how these Koreans seem to swipe names from U.S. counterparts, that don’t echo the plot at all) to name a few.

You’re Beautiful (미남이시네요), literally “He’s a handsome man”, is a South Korean drama about a fictional boy band A.N.Jell and the relationship between its members when a female, posing as her twin brother, joins the group. The series aired from October 7 to November 26, 2009 on the Korean network SBS.

Go Mi Nyu is a nun-in-training, ala Sally Field in the Flying Nun series of yesteryear. Her twin brother Go Mi Nam successfully auditions for the musical band A.N.Jell, but is forced to leave for the United States to correct a botched plastic surgery. Mi Nyu is approached by Mi Nam’s manager to pose as Mi Nam while he recovers. She is against it at first, but agrees in order to fulfill her dream of finding their mother. Once a star, she feels it will be much easier for her birth mother to find her, let alone greedy relatives crawling from the woodwork. Now, posing as Mi Nam, Mi Nyu enters the group and meets its members: Hwang Tae Kyung, Kang Shin Woo and Jeremy. If not getting along with three guys that don’t know youre a girl wasn’t hard enough, you have a horde of jealous fans wondering who this fledgling member is, and can he even sing?!

Created by duo Hong Jung Eun & Hong Mi Ran, this series bursts with amazingly complex charactes. Seemingly cold-hearted, Hwang Tae Kyung, (Jang Geun Suk) the lead vocalist, is desperately seeking to regain his relationship with his ex-starlet mother, despite his stonefaced exterior, all the while falling in love with the group’s newest member. Kang Shin Woo, (Jung Yong Hwa) the smart, loyal, and extremely receptive guitarist, he’s handsome dandy that also finds himself strangely attracted to our androgynous nun-turned-popstar. Jeremy, (Lee Hongki) blonde-coiffed drummer, and prankster of the group, really plays up the humor here, and is super cute all the while.Whether its his unique facial expressions, his jarring bleach-blonde locks, or his impeccable comic delivery, hands down, he’s my fave. Major crush, heh.

Yoo He Yi (portrayed by Uee, member of real-life girl group After School) adds the bitch factor. She’s a rising pop  star competing for stage time with A.N.Jell, and trying early on to expose Go Mi Nam for what she really is. She soon falls for Hwang Tae Kyung, reluctantly at first, and uses her diva antic to always get what she wants. She’s gorgeous, and steals every scene she’s in. She easily switches from icy-cold-stare to anime-eyed sweetcheeks as the paparazzi arrives each time.

Interesting to note, the drama features a live concert, and A.N.Jell actually performed,where it was reported that as many 25,000 fans showed up.The group performed the songs “Promise” and “Still”. Their music is comprised of the wispy ballads and rock-pop infused drivel you’d expect from current Korean boybandery. It’s fluff, well-written, and catchy to boot.

Thankfully, I was able to get the entire series with excellent English subs for a mere $15 in NY Chinatown. Actually, you can get almost ANY Korean drama series there if you look hard enough. The best spot is hardly even noticeable from street level. It’s an unassuming glass door, next to a modern bubble tea cafe. Once opened, you walk down a flight of stairs, the entire stairwell plastered with the posters for the latest TVB dramas, which reminds me of my bedroom as a teen geeker. The entire basement is filled wall-to-wall with box sets of the DVD and VCD variety. Each section is well stocked with the latest releases at fantastically cheap prices. I got the entire Legend of the Condor Heroes series for $50! They have Chinese (TVB, ATV, CCTV), Japanese, and Korean sections as well. As for the staff, while not fluent in English, they excel at being quite friendly, albeit a bit pushy at times. It’s a group of five middle-aged Chinese women, all gossiping while drinking oolong tea and munching on sweets, but it’s all part of the charm of the place. It’s a Asian TV drama queen’s paradise. They also have a large variety of recent Hong Kong movies, bootlegged, and mostly non-subtitled, plus even some cheaply produced Chinese CGI anime crap as well.

til death do us heart

It’s your wedding day. As you prance down the aisle, your thoughts in overdrive, you see your future mate ahead, pearly whites glistening, as the sun’s rays pierce the stained glass windows above.  After your vows are said, your hubby grins wryly, and then morphs into a bloodthirsty demon and declares that you’re to be his next meal. Bummer. I guess fairy tales don’t always have happy endings . That’s exactly what happened to poor, sweet Mallory, played by Olivia Bonamy. Our crimson-coiffed bridezilla cleaves her husband in two, with an enormous shimmering axe, as guts and gore splash her virginal white gown a deep red.

Time quickly passes, and Mallory becomes the head of an anti-paranormal commando unit entrusted with eliminating every evil creature prowling post-apocalyptic France. Now a heartless mercenary, she joins forces with the best France has to offer. Vena Cava, tranny-diva and explosive expert extrordinaire, watch in awe as she vogues her own special dance of death and blows the hellspawn to bits with her machine gun platform heels! Talking Tina, a 9 year old mute telepath that can project her spirit into the body of any living creature, this comes in quite handy, I assure you. And last, but certainly not least, an armed governmental agent named Durand. They are dispatched to protect a convent from an assault by a pack of undead creatures, when they are attacked by an unknown assailant. The battle leaves Durand dead, Vena Cava injured, and Tina in a coma.

With her team in shambles, Mallory learns that the newly enthroned Pope has been kidnapped. The Vatican disapproves of Mallory’s methods, but she’s all they’ve got to save His Holiness. Invoking the spirit of her dead husband, (who was condemned to haunt limbo and provide his informational services to her, acting as sort of an afterlife  iPhone) Mallory learns about the evil cult of Abbadon, fallen angel of extermination, bent on world destruction. Now teamed with new recruit, Father Carras, sexy leather-clad Vatican bodyguard,  they plan their mission, bickering the entire time. Oh Father, you’ll never look at a priest’s vestments the same way again!

Mallory viciously hunts down the cult in a maze of catacombs beneath a subterranean castle.  They’ve got some fierce opponents left though, the faceless succubus Morphine, and the bloodthirsty Lady Valentine, who survived being beheaded during the French Revolution. Will Mallory and her team stop the forces of evil from awakening Lord Abbadon in time for Vena to get her nails and hair did? Will we get a glimpse of Father Carass in the buff? All these questions will be answered as you bite down on this gore-filled celluloid pastry.

Directed by Julien Magnat, it’s basically ‘Buffy, The Vampire Slayer’, on acid, with a dose of  ‘Resident Evil’ thrown for good measure. Magnat has admitted to being highly influenced by the visual style and hyper-reality of Japanese anime, with score done by the infamous Kenji Kawai. It’s very evident in the kinetic cinematography present onscreen, and a true joy to watch. Many of the actions scenes are done with the frenzy of the early 90s Hong Kong action flicks, high flying wire works and all. Interesting to note, Mallory’s bright red hair and revealing uniform, is highly reminiscent of the main character in the film ‘Run Lola Run’. Odd.

This French/Spanish co-production from 2002, is now available on Region 1 DVD from Lion’s Gate with a plethora of goodies, including  an insightful ‘Making of’ featurette, still gallery,  and hilarious blooper reel.

smokes & s’mores, yes please!

Sum-sum-summertime. I was 12, my mother had just forced me headfirst onto a dilapidated yellow school bus, festooned with hand-painted BonVoyage signs and a horde of boisterous kids my age that I was completely petrified of. Two hours later, somewhere in upstate NY, and cringing most of the way, afraid someone might talk to me, I’d finally realize that this summer would change my life. Who knew I’d never want to leave that godforsaken dump, …good ole Camp Bernie.

Scorched marshmallows, plenty of pre-pubescent pranks, ear ache-filled swimming lessons, my first taste of ‘schlong soup’, water balloons bursting against white t-shirts, …I guess I did it all, even my first dance, how compellingly awkward. It was definitely my ‘coming-of-age’ extravaganza, and unfortunately you only get those experiences once in this life. But, my sleepaway experiences were nothing compared to those of the chickadees at fictitious Camp Little Wolf.

This lil 80s gem, directed by Ronald Maxwell, if not short of sheer teen movie glory, ranks right up there with the best of the campy teen sex comedies of the era. With kick-ass Kristy McNichol, as the spunky streetwise sprite, Angel Bright, and kitten Tatum O’Neal as prissy debutante, Ferris Whitney, Little Darlings definitely hit the archer’s bullseye. Both are sent begrudgingly to summer camp, one from the wrong side of the tracks, and the other from high society, bashing headfirst in a bittersweet collision of peer pressure and broken hearts.

Angel and Ferris, fierce rivals from the get-go, place a bet to see who’ll have their cherry popped first. Angel sets her sights on happy-go-lucky thug, Randy, played by mostly-shirtless Outsider, Matt Dillon, from the boys camp across the lake.  Randy definitely wants one thing from Ferris, and it seems she’s the one with cold feet. Ferris on the other hand, preys on the camp’s athletic coach, dreamy Armand Assante, hoping to ‘fill’ that father figure role she so sorely needs. It’s one flirtatious flub after another, as she gives it her all. Game on! The girls aren’t prepared for what the real game of life has in store for them, as shattered love muscles lay beneath their flowered flip flops at every turn. They eventually find out that despite their differences, they’ve got much more in common than they thought, cementing their friendship like blue sticky-tack.

98 pounds of non-stop energy, Kristy looks amazing whether she’s puffin’ on an unfiltered Marlboro in her slashed studded denim jacket or covered in apple pie-n-ice cream at the film’s climactic food fight. Tatum’s coquettish arrogance is draped fittingly in frilly lace and pastel floral prints, and she’s a joy to watch. After the credits roll, what remains intact, minus their virginity, are their free spirits and tender hearts. Watch for freckled Cynthia Nixon’s debut as the flower child of the bunch, with definite shades of a future Miranda Hobbes.

The mellow soundtrack includes late Beatle, John Lennon, and a couple groove infused tracks by the Bellamy Brothers, all tied in with some nonsensical roller-disco tunes, sung by Kristy and her brother. Although this film is officially out of print, it’s probably available on full screen VHS tape in a bargain bin at your local mom-n-pop video chain. I highly recommend getting your grubby paws on this sugary sweet coming-of-age treat, so, saddle up with some Jiffy Pop, and turn off yer noggin.

fish-n-chips + motocross dips

The word “spetter” translates roughly as “hunk” via Dutch slang, and there is plenty of beefcake on display in this slice of celluloid 80s kitsch. Amid the muddy world of motocross, four sexually-charged Dutch teenagers find themselves on a turbulent collision course with destiny, encountering break-neck twists and turns along the way.

Rien, young racing champion, mechanic Eef, and racing amateur Hans share one passion in life, motocross. They dream of the day that they can compete alongside their hero, the smug Gerrit Witkamp, played by leader of the Replicants, Rutger Hauer. Their friendship and loyalty are tested when Fientje wiggles into their lives. She’s a curvy blonde vixen with an Olivia Newton-John obsession that peddles croquettes from her dirty fast food van, along with her her butch gay brother. (Spetters also reads as “splatters” and thereby refers to the chips stall.) She busies herself with sleeping her way through them, to escape what she sees as an end to a life of working class misery.

At first, Rien protects Fientje from a rowdy biker gang, and it’s love at first sight. Riding high on happiness, he’s offered a Japanese sponsorship deal. Soon after, fate intervenes as severe accident dumps studly Rein into a wheelchair, and it’s bye-bye big money. His main squeeze’s affections quickly pass from one dude to the next. Neither hunk possesses Rien’s awesome ability, so none of this ends entirely happily as they all rev into top gear. It’s like an extreme Dutch soap opera with a few rays of hope near the finale. The male rape sequence, featuring a biker gang getting their ‘vengeance’ on Fientje’s hunky brother, threw me for a loop, was not expecting that twist at all, with complete full frontal and semi-penetration shots, those Dutch went full throttle with the shocks, they mean business!

Long before sexy shockers like Basic Instinct & Showgirls, Paul Verhoeven directed this high-speed coming-of-age flick in 1980. The film was met with minimal success in the US of A, but it did help the launch this great director’s career abroad. Watch for the wild motorbike stunts, knockabout action sequences, and sexual shenanigans, …including an eye-popping wiener-measuring contest! Slip on your best pair of legwarmers, bangle bracelets and wiggle along with an amazing soundtrack featuring Blondie, M, and Abba. A little dirt, sweat, and tears equals pure pulp perfection! Rad all the way.

phantom-filled shells

Way back in 1995, Mamoru Oshii brought us the live-action film adaptation of Masamune Shirow’s epic manga, Ghost in the Shell. (cue angel choir humming in unison) At the time, I couldn’t be bothered with the Matrix-styled techno-thriller, I was way too busy gorging myself on frilly fairy fluff like, Clamp’s Magic Knight Rayearth, and Yuu Watase’s Fushigi Yuugi. I wasn’t going to let myself be impressed by then-cutting-edge visuals, electro-jargon politics, nor even all it’s inflated fanboy hype, no sir, I had passed judgment on it without as much as a nod for accomplishment. Despite being a staunch anime fan, I was still reveling in the wonder of enormous battle-bots and superhuman heroics of a bygone age. And now, …15 years later, I bow my head in shame.

I recently ventured, quite by accident, into the world of 90s cyberpunk animation, by way of the Silent Mobius (Kia Asamiya’s most popular work to date) animated television series. That in itself, contains elements of cyberpunk, alchemy, and finished off with a healthy dose of gritty police procedural. It spurred me to look more closely at a genre I so quickly ignored. Why wasn’t I in the least bit interested in the melding of man and machine, as an information superpower, rather than a simple war machine? As I’ve aged, I’m yearning for animation that’s a bit more intellectual, more meaningful, and more than the endless flow of rapid-fire bombshells battling bio-beasts, something more than a ‘phantom-filled shell’.

First on my list was Ghost in the Shell. What better way to flash-rewind than this alleged ‘masterpiece of Japanese animation’. The film was applauded as one of the first anime films to seamlessly blend digital and traditional animation (Macross Plus being the first), and was also one of the first anime features to breakthrough to non-anime fans in the U.S.

2029. The world is connected by a global electronic network, much like our own interwebs. It’s futuristic cityscape, looking much more like a Blade Runner infused Hong Kong, than any Tokyo I’ve ever seen. With its boat-lined canals, and looming garish billboards peppered with Chinese lettering, all eerily lit in hued neon, we welcome you to ‘New Port City’. The city’s cyber-net security force, Section 9, is on a mission to arrest the mysterious hacker, known only as the Puppet Master. The hacker has been responsible for stealing high-level secrets from the government. ‘Major’ Motoko Kusanagi, our alluring cyborg officer, leads the investigation, and finds that the Puppet Master hacks human minds, which leaves victims with implanted fake memories. Recruited from the Rangers, and second in command under Major Kusanagi, is Batou. He is the only other full-body cyborg in the unit, and possible love interest for Motoko. Sporting spectacle-styled peepers to offset his hulking physique, he’s a capable hand-to-hand combatant, dealing death to any that cross Section 9’s path.

One victim, a neurotic garbage man, after being discarded and arrested on his pupeteered crime, finds out that his memories of a nagging wife, well-behaved daughter, and also an impending divorce, were just implanted memories to keep him unaware of his programmed techno-thefts. Kusanagi begins to question her own existence as an artificial construct. Left with only unanswered questions and hopeless dreams of what once was, how are these victims to go on ‘living’? As the investigation goes on, she learns that the Puppet Master may have answers for her, and he seems to be hot on her trail.

This ghost has a shell packed with amazing visuals, like none I’ve seen before. Especially noteworthy are the smaller details, as a programmer is asked to enter information, and her fingertips split open and birth many thin pronged feelers for easier keyboard manipulation. All cyborgs have ports placed in the nape of their neck for Net access via old fashioned black cables, a creepy yet practical use of hardware. Oshii’s distinct attention to detail makes for an exciting task to notice something fresh with each repeated viewing.

Add to these visuals, a haunting New Age score by renowned composer, Kenji Kawai. In the chase scene, where Batou is hunting the ghost-hacked puppet in the marketplace, a pop song sung in Cantonese by Fang Ka Wing can be heard softly, and it’s a nice touch, adding to the distinctly Chinese inspired audioscape.

As an interesting side note, the film was re-released in 2008, as Ghost in the Shell Version 2.0, with all the original animation re-produced with the latest digital film and animation technologies, such as 3D CGI. The original soundtrack was also re-organized and re-recorded. Also three stand-alone films are available, elaborating on some of the more intricate stories from the television series.

The movie also spawned two television anime series. In Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, a detective inadvertently discovers that several members of the task force have been injected with specialized micro-machines. These micro-machines accumulate in the eyes and act as remote cameras, allowing authorized users to see from the visual perspective of the person injected with them. For unknown reasons, top police officials are spying on the task force using this method. The series is composed of individual cases that Section 9 investigates, along with an ongoing, more serious investigation, dealing with a mysterious hacker dubbed, Laughing Man. In the end, the entire credibility of Section 9 is challenged, and remains in question.

In its second season, Ghost in the Shell: S.A.C. 2nd GIG, a delicate hostage situation forces Section 9 on the scene. After being officially re-instated by the Prime Minister, Section 9 is ordered to resolve the conflict. As the series progresses, Kusanagi becomes fed up with Section 9 being used by the Cabinet Intelligence Service (New Port’s take on the CIA)and undertakes a risky plan to infiltrate the CIS’s computer database. It turns out that the CIS is behind a recent series of terrorist events in Japan, and also confirms that Section 9 is being manipulated in an effort to sway public opinion against the growing refugee population in Japan. It’s an intelligent storyline, supported by a cast of hundreds, and chock full of intriguing cyber-political twists and turns.

It took nearly fifteen years for me to sit myself down to enjoy this. Somebody slap me. Enjoyed it immensely, and damned if it won’t be on my personal faves list. If interested in others akin to this series, try the enigmatic Ergo Proxy, and dystopian Texhnolyze on for size.

robotic rabbit ears

I seem to be ashamedly following the crowd these days, albeit a bit late. I’ll usually explore niche genres at my own pace, slaking my thirst for all things obscure, but I still marvel at the seemingly endless array of Japanese animation that’s passed me by, and believe me, I’ve seen TONS of it. I’m now jacking into the matrix of 90s cyberpunk anime. This may seem a bit pedestrian for the full-fledged otaku, but I needed to broadcast my newfound respect for these techno-classics, loud and clear.

1988, and once upon a tween, I spent weekends with my grandparents in grubby South Plainfield, NJ. While my grandmother slaved over a hot cauldron of borscht and prepared all sorts of russian treats, we’d make the weekly pilgrimage to the local fleamarket, a fantasy nerdworld for me growing up. The following afternoons were spent gushing over the treasures I’d convinced Gramps to purchase for me that day, in a cheerfully comatose state, and only half-heartedly listening to my grandmother’s tales of slavic yore. One such weekend, I remember rushing particularly eagerly to the fleamarket’s rather large comic stand to snatch up whatever English translated manga I could get my grubby paws on. (I’d become a fan of Robotech this way, even before catching it on television, and definitely not knowing it’s true origins.) I had a voracious appetite for giant robots and samurai warriors clashing swords, and spilling blood, over their many cleanly laidout black & white pages.

I’d come across Masamune Shirow’s Appleseed, completely by accident, and instantly began to drool. I was sucked in by the amazing front cover, the logo itself was ultra-cool. Emblazoned with a post-apocolyptic landscape, a hulking bioroid with rabbit ears, and paired with a pixie-coiffed blonde, snazzily outfitted in chest-hugging paramilitary gear, and accessorized with a ridiculously large grenade launcher, wow. When I leafed through the pages, I became instantly enamored with it’s highly complex artwork, sporadically-placed and highly detailed informational sidebars, and dystopian future worldview that this skillful artist had artfully crammed inside. Appleseed merges cyberpunk elements and mecha genres, with a heavy dose of politics, philosophy, and sociology. Actually a bit overwhelming for a 12-year old, wouldn’t ya say?

Here’s the basic rundown of this manga-masterpiece. After World War III, the nations of the world have crumbled, and an experimental city known as Olympus, inhabited by humans, cyborgs and bioroids, is constructed. Olympus was meant to be the ultimate utopian society. In order to combat techno-crime, an elite taskforce was implemeneted by the police. The ESWAT (Extra Special Weapons And Tactics) bureau was formed of both natural humans and augmented cyborgs, for equal footing. Our protagonists are the pair from the cover I’d mentioned. Briareos, a cyborg with enhanced physical strength and an integrated head, and long sensor antennae which resemble the ears of a rabbit, and Deunan Knute, a natural human skilled in operating her ‘Landmate’, (exoskeleton powersuit, more powerful and responsive than police-issue). Olympus is fairly devoid of big-time crime, and the ESWAT is used to combat terrorist attacks when necessary. These fearless peacekeepers combat crazed hackers, renegade robots, and other nuclear weapons of death at every page turn. Not only are they partners on the battlfield, they’re also lovers, which must make for some uncomfortable snuggling sessions, heh.

The manga, first published by Eclipse Comics, and now Dark Horse, spanned 4 large volumes, going from 1988-1995. I’d heard through the fandom rumor mill that there was an animated feature available on VHS, but for a rather hefty sum of $75. (I still have a closet full of rotting VHS tapes, ho-hum, need to convert those treasures quick!) When I finally got ahold of this elusive slice of celluloid, I was gravely disappointed. Here’s the rundown of the late 80s feature.

Although ultra-modern and economically strong, for some, Olympus is less a ‘utopia’, and more of a ‘cage’. Calon, a city police officer, is one of these people. He’s become disenchanted with life in Olympus following the suicide of his wife, an artist who felt stifled by the pre-programmed environment. Calon becomes bitter, and believes that it is his duty to “free” natural humans from this unnatural environment. So, he hooks up with a cyber terrorist and attempts to disable Gaia, the computer system which controls Olympus’ infrastructure. Out to stop them are ESWAT officers Duenan & Briareos, and they’re determined to stop this terrorist plot by any means necessary. Simple enough, huh. Well, what results is a slap-dash mess of shoddily drawn cel animation, horrible character design continuity flaws, horrible story pacing and red herrings, and not to mention an amazing bland English voice dub that made me cringe on several occasions.

It wasn’t until 2004, that we’d see the ESWAT in actio again. Appleseed (2004), directed by Shinji Aamaki, this time blending cutting-edge 3D CGI with conventional cel animation. It retells the original manga, albeit in a parallel timeline. Now for the rundown. Deunan is a young soldier, and the last survivor of the Global War. She’s rescued by bioroid Hitomi, and then attempts escape from the hospital, and taking her hostage, but is stopped by Briareos Hecatonchires, her former lover, now a rabbit-eared cyborg. She learns the war ended months earlier, and is now in the utopian city of Olympus. While there, adjusting to her new lease on life, Deunan joins the ESWAT organization. It’s not a bad feature, and worthwhile eyecandy, although it didn’t hold my attention for very long. I couldnt get used to the 3D rendered designs, but that’s just a taste issue. I decided to give it a shot despite my dislike for the Original Video Animation I’d seen as a teen. While much better than the original outing, I wasn’t engaged. I’m sure I’ll give it another shot in the near future, …thanks, Netflix!

In 2007, we were treated to a sequel, that far surpassed it’s predecessor, Appleseed: Ex Machina. Aramaki again directed, but this time benefitted from production by none other than John Woo! Only 3 minutes into the film, I was blabbarskaka’d. The 3D CGI that I usually loathe, looked amazingly realistic, with a nod to the original anime character designs, and I actually felt at points I was watching live actors. The action scenes were top-notch, which was to be expected from the man that brought you dazzling Hong Kong action cinema classics such as, The Killer, Hard-Boiled, and the A Better Tomorrow trilogy.

This time around, Poseidon, a multinational industrial conglomerate whose operations include the manufacture of cyborg components and consumer electronics, has a dirty little secret to hide. One of their top researchers has gone rogue, taking his expertise in mind control and delusions of grandeur with him. Using his knowledge, he plans to take over the world by transmitting a signal to the latest consumer gadget manufactured by Poseidon, bascially a bluetooth earpieced iPhone multimedia device, which will allow him to control the mind of whoever is wearing it. Add to this heady mix, a new partner for Duenan. Enter Tereus, cloned from Briareos’ original human form, and augmented with super strength and speed. After the opening action sequence, Briareos is out of comission for awhile. This adds a slight love-trangle to the action-heavy mix. Fianlly, Appleseed done right!

It wasn’t until this year’s Comic-Con 2010, that I’d found my bearings again. Surrounded by hunderds of fans, cosplayers, and the like, it was a venue that really renewed my interest in the cyberpunk genre. I used to pass it off as nothing more than pretentious drivel, maybe stemming from my own lack of political education and worldview. I’ve discovered a new world for me to explore, one vastly far apart from the transforming giant robots with colorful catch phrases and pint-sized magical girls in brightly-hued spandex tutus. Anime with something to say, in spades.

catfights in paradise, yes please!

Third part, and we’re still gettin through the basics! Sheesh~ At this telenovela’s core is bitter rivalry between the virginal villager, Aymar, and the cold-hearted succubus, Maura Duran. It’s quintessential ‘good vs. evil’ here, folks, albeit with two breathtakingly hot babes. Let’s begin with our vile villainess.

Two rival families, the Duran’s and the Rosemberg’s, vie for political control. While the power-hungry Duran is tied to local gangsters, Rosemberg is a virtuous man, and protector of the poverty stricken villagers. Duran decides to engulf the Rosemberg hacienda in flames, in turn killing the entire family, leaving him the only electoral candidate. The inferno does take the life of Rosemberg and his wife, but their young daughter, Karina, manages to escape unharmed, but is never seen again. In the ruins of the estate, a gold medallion is found by Duran’s young daughter, Maura, with the name ‘Karina Rosemberg’ engraved. Duran later dies, leaving Maura under the care of his equally wicked mistress, Luisa. Luisa safeguards the medallion, for a future scheme.

Maura, now full-grown busty bombshell, gambles and beds her way through high society. The femme fatales travel around targeting rich bachelors, depleting their bank accounts, as well as their libidos. With a heart of ice, and a fiery desire for power, she’s evil incarnate.  The time is now ripe for Luisa’s plan to unfold. Since Karina Rosemberg’s body was never found, Luisa convinces Maura to impersonate the missing girl, and claim the ruined estate, and their fortune as well, with proof of her identity being the stolen medallion. Naturally, the El Paraiso hacienda neighbors the old Rosemberg ruins, so who else to target next? Los Bravos! Maura/Karina has not one, but three eligible bachelors to slake her thirst for power and riches. Which Bravo will fall victim to this viper?

There’s just one small problem. It seems the real Karina Rosemberg is alive! Now an amnesiac, and semi-retard, she hides out in the ruins and wanders the village as a beggar. A fellow beggar names her ‘Sirenita’ (Little Mermaid) as she slowly starts to regain her memory. Her only hope is to find what she remembers as the only link to her past, an iron box, unbeknownst to her, containing the title and deed to her family’s estate. Events will lead her to confront her mysterious past, and the malicious Maura Duran.

the fabulous bravo boys

Snarky coverage of  ‘Tormenta en el Paraiso’ continues now, with our second installment. Woo-hoo! Aymar has blossomed into quite the bodacious beach babe, with spot-on performance by Sara Maldonado. After watching Clase 406, and stealing every scene as debutante Tatiana ‘Tatis’ de Moral, I’ll watch just about anything she stars in. Her cheerfulness is infectious, and this sun-kissed beauty steals your heart with every word. Being a villager hasn’t typecast her as naïve, actually it’s quite the opposite. She’s got brains, fights for the local workers rights, manages a diving tour business, and maintains a great tan all the while. She’s the perfect rags-to-riches heroine for our story. She’s got her share of troubles, for sure, and she seems to always come out on top. She’s drugged, molested, kidnapped and left for dead on a deserted island, as a scheme by the local baddie, but survives. One sunny afternoon, she faces her destiny, as fate, or, is it the black pearl, intervenes.

Her mother, Analy, makes her living as owner of a local café. Since the unfortunate loss, times have been tough. She’s not around long, due to tragic circumstances, which stinks as she’s a great character. It seems there was one witness to the real cause of Hernan’s death, the local shark fisher, Nakuk. He saw Eliseo set the boat ablaze, and knows Eliseo for the rat he is. His lips are sealed for now, bribed by cold hard cash. He’s also got an insane lust to possess Analy. Despite her troubles, she remains positive, and is loved by their village community. Nakuk eventually goes nutzoid, and kidnaps her. Sadly, this ends in a ‘harpoon to the tummy’ scene, and it’s played several times, in slow motion, for audience shock value. Nakuk promptly vanishes.

Enter Nicolas Bravo, (cue lightning strike, once again, ugh) vacationing in Cozumel, falls head-over-heels for her, literally, slamming into her on the beach, and albeit clichéd, ruining his white cotton suit. (or maybe that’s just a cheap pirate costume from the Televisa Wardrobe Dept.) Despite my slight distaste for his jerry-curled hairdo, he’s a real hunk, and whoa!, what a set of *pearly whites*! Played by Erick Elias, and just fresh off the set of Zorro: la espada y la rosa (where he starred as Renzo, and mostly shirtless!) he’s makes for one helluva compelling hero.

What the audience knows, that our spunky heroine doesn’t, is that he’s the middle son of Eliseo Bravo, her father’s ex-partner! El Viejo Eliseo, (now sporting a leather-gloved prosthetic arm) despite being cursed by the black pearl, is the richest ranchero around, and commands the sprawling plantation and horse farm, ‘El Paraiso’, (hence the pun in the series’ title.) with an iron fist, heh. With three studly sons to takeover, his heart is at ease, for now.

Enter the ‘Bravo Brothers’. David, the eldest, is completely disinterested in his right to the familial throne. Gambling, drinking, and womanizing is his way of life, enjoying each new conquest wholeheartedly, that is, until one fateful female encounter changes his life forever. Nicolas, second-in-line, is the handsome curly-locked attorney, well-mannered and honest, he chooses to carry on the family name, and is apparent heir to the El Paraiso estate. Meeting Aymar has caused a chain of dramatic events to unfold, and new challenges must be overcome, as the curse of the black pearl sets in motion. Leonardo, the youngest, is the quick-witted young buck of the pack. He’s passionate, yet naïve, and thinks of himself as ‘useless’, when compared to his successful brothers. He is being groomed to take over the ranch and its stables. After a late night drinking binge, his pickup careens into a tractor trailer and he’s severely injured. Temporarily a cripple, he once again finds himself reinforcing his self-hatred and locked in emotional turmoil. In his quest for acceptance, one woman becomes his light and hope.